10 Years

I"m sitting here after friends just call to say they were JUST leaving to meet us for a friends birthday dinner....grrrrrrr. We were supposed to BE there at 6pm and here it is 6:07 and they are JUST leaving from BFE to come to central dallas....what a bunch of schmucks...they ought to get there about 8pm.

And as I sit here and rant Seal's song "kiss from a rose" is playing on my yahoo music station, I ought to burn my computer right now. This song reminds me of my VERY FIRST BOYFRIEND that I just found out, and by just I mean a year ago, that he cheated on me with this SCKANCH of a whore of a boy when we were going out...bad times. What a dumb ass..I understand he's about 300lbs and still doing color gaurd aka fags with flags. I bet u can just see the head of his tiny cock now with all that FOPA on that boy.

You know what FOPA means? No it's not 'Formula One Photographers Association' as Google would like us all to believe, it's Fat Over the Penis Area....that's hot.

All that negativity is going to come back and get me one day...I should really start being more positive. I'm 90% positive and I just happen to only open my mouth when the 10% pops up. I'm really positive in my head and while I'm dreaming or quietly eating my lunch.

Matt and I are moving along swimmingly. He's left a few shirts at my house and I'm about to round them up and make him take them when he comes over next, which is in TWO days. I like this distance thing at the beginning. It's good for building a relationship not just dropping one in water and having it appear. This is the first time I've been with my foot on the break the entire time someone is interested in me. In my former youth, ages 19-26, I was SO quick to want to have an instant relationship with any hottie that threw his pecker my way, now I'm wise to that. Matt mentioned last night about the time right after my lease would be up....he has his own place now...and in front of about 10 friends we were all talking about moving in with a boyfriend and someone asked me how long I think is good before you move in with a boyfriend and the words '10 years' popped outta my mouth faster than I could think about it. I'm glad Matt has a sense of humor..............

And I do mean it.....at least 10 years. =)

Hung Up on Matt

Matt and I are clicking right along. I don't want to fall in the typical trap of spending every moment together for the first however long and then get tired of each other. Last night he slept at his place, it felt great. It didn't feel great that he wasn't next to me, it felt great to know that someone, somewhere, really missed me.

I cannot think of ANYTHING but Madonna. Hung Up is all I hear. I only seem to talk about her. I surf with the intention of seeing more of her. I'm addicted.

Madonna is Coming

Life is great.......u get everything u put out.

I'm trying to be a much more positive person....I'm not a huge negative nancy but I could use some improvement.

I've met someone really fun and adorable...his name is Matt...and I likey...alot.

Work is great...on my own rocks. I was on a team with 30 patients..me and another nurse versus 30 patients....too much.

The weather is changing, my sinuses are going bonkers.

My last HIV test came back negative...that's 3 months and 2 weeks since my 'exposure' from a guy i fucked a few times.

Tonight I'm going to go out despite my snotty nose and have a blast.

Damn Rita

Lots to document....see if I can remember it.

YES I did moleste Mark and his man at s4 one drunken night...that's why I did not drink AT ALL this weekend lol..not not really....I'll moleste them at any chance I get....them and Homer.

Just when I get all anti man some hot fucker has to offer his ass up to me....and I'm no fool I'm not gonna turn down hot boys. This military boy that always flirts with me when he's feeling like being a bottom is in town. I got to his place LATE one night to jerk off to some porn ...exchange head...and I'm DEFINATELY going to eat his ass. So I get there and it's dark, imagine that, and he strips. We just suck each other off, blah blah..I eat his ass....I'm thinking "I drove 15 minutes for this?"

I'm on a "Fucking" hiatus for another week so I couldn' stick it to the boy but I'll be damned if he didn' try to worm my cock up his ass several times sans lube/rubber. That feels soooooooooo good to rub my cock up against a wet ass that I just ate but I MUST RESIST. That's reason number 1 through 10 that I need a boyfriend. After we shot....we slept for minute then he lead me out to the balcony, over looking his condo's parking lot and proceded to blow me in public. That was a DEFINATE first for me. It was OK, he can give good head so I shot on his chest and went home.

I have this new 'straight' guy that likes to come over to jerk off. He's this big muscle boy that messaged me online one night and came over after he sent me pics of him look like a freaking muscle god. He comes over and is BIG and DUMB looking.....soooo hot..makes me hard. He sucks me off...I eat his ass then we play 'how many fingers can rusty get up this boys ass" game. I tell him to get on his knees and tell him to back it up as I place various numbers of fingers on his hole proior to the 'back it up' command. He's a trooper. His name is hot too...Adam. He's a relative of some big shot in Dallas so of course he's closeted...I just think that makes guys kinkier....we'll see.

This was my fifth weekend off in a row and Rita ruined my Saturday plans of batting cages and tennis. So Jeff and I went bowling where I cut my thumb on the ball start of our second game....now how skanky is that? I'm surprised my thumb hasn't rotted off yet.

Today I did legs with Jeff, then tennis in 100 degree heat followed by a long walk on the Katy trail.....I LOVE my Sundays.

Whore

What a freaking week. I was off for four days and what a total prostitute I was. My strange work schedule has made for me to work in long stents and be off same...so it's like a vacation every week...work 4 days, off 4 days...

This was Dallas' Pride weekend so there was PLENTY of out of town ass for the picking but I remained strong and did not trouble myself with out of town ass because they just go home! Instead I was slutty to the Dallas boys. It all started with me being broke and the roommate not wanting to drink ALONE..heaven forbid.

At JRs thursday, I think, there was ALOT of people out. I discovered a new location to stand and gawk. If you stand in front of the big video screen everyone looks to it, and at u in turn and the light shines on thier face and BAM...u can see em. But anyway, Thrusday there were lots of men..I was D-Runk and these two hot hispanic boys(not my type usually but i had 3 beers in me) were next to us....so they were lookin at the new Missy Elliot video when i leaned over and mentioned that I was the choreographer for that video..........lol..it worked. They come over..I pick mine, roommate picks his boy.....we're off to a good start. My man is goregous..not a hot ass..but face.he could be a model, if he were taller. He's into me....roommate's into his..so we all go to RoundUp. At RoundUp I find out my man is married but is MORE than willing to let me blow my load down his throat later on that night if I want..and who I am to deny a man of that? Roommate and his man get into and piss each other off because the dood "doesn't suck dick." What kinda sorry MF'r are you to NOT suck cock and be gay. That's part of the definition.

Gay: Able to suck cock in a single bound followed by lots of anal in and outs.

See..right there in the definition.

So he sucks some gooooooood cock but i'm soon reminded as I'm finger this guys ass why I don't do brown well...he's say ' ay ay ay ay ay' insted of 'oh oh oh oh'...wow that was annoying.

Saturday night at RoundUp was great. I had a blast. Met this VERY handsome bearded muther fuck that I cruised 2 times for him to stop on the 3 time and give me this hot hot kiss on the lips without even talking.....I was hard instantly. I find him on manhunt the next day and ask him to dinner....yay I love manhunt sometimes.

There's definately a theme to my life these days....troubled.

Tonight I sit in my room, alone, with searing, crushing chest pain everytime i let my mind be still. I can't believe I'm still single..and not just single...absolutely zero prospects/dates/cute guys after for years, literally years.

Who do I have to see about my poison dart to stop this pain lol

Jeez I hate feeling this way...all I can do is be amazed, then that stomp on my chest. I hate it. I just want to be angry and pissy and hit things.

I know people mean well but this whole 'it'll happen one day' stuff, i can only hear for some many YEARS before i wanna scracth someone's eyes out when they say that to me for no reason..

Sunday Blues

I should work every Sunday from now on until eternity. Sunday's I just sit here and contemplate what's going on in my life and frankly it's just depressing. It must come from those years as a kid when we were forced to goto Church and think.

Today I'm thinking once again about my travels out to the gay bar last night. I went out with my married man crush and two of his friends who he said I did not know. Well I get there and one of them I know....he acosted me at Mickey's a few months ago. He is sooooooooooo fucking hot, and the best personality..just fun and crazy. Well the other friend happened to be his boyfriend. Son of a bitch I tell u I can't get a break for nothin!!!!!!!! He's flirting with me all night..to the point where he mouths 'don't get me in trouble.' I wanted to do more than that..this guy is off the hot meter for me. GRRRrrr I told him, when he's done....to ask our friend for my number.

Today the plan is shopping for the week(done), washing clothes(50% done), gym, and masterbating(done and done).

Good Times

Pool parties are fun...just wish half the people there weren't related to me.......

Busy

This weekend was spent keeping my best friend Jeff occupied...he broke up with this lil latin luver and needed some fun! I am WORE the fuck out. I'm ready to crawl into bed because I work 4 twelve hour shifts in a row and I know I'll be tired. We went shopping, to the gym, shopping some more, ate, gym, shop, eat, pool, sun, walk, hot, drive....I'm pooped.

Jose spent this weekend with his asshole boyfriend. It's nice having the apartment to myself until you get a text message at 1AM that says "I broke up with him. I'm scared to be here. I want to go home." And then the fucker doesn't answer his phone for two days. I was about to call the police. H.H. Hispanic Hysterius........lots of HH going on in my house and i'm TIRED of it.

My married crush and his husband came over to swim today and it was a beating and a half. My crush tells me all the stories about how they're not working out but then they're so cutesy wootsy in front of me? WTF

I've been flirting with flirting with an ex boyfriend of mine. He was young and had a lot going on in life when we dated/lived together about four years ago. Lately he seems to be more in control of his life and I know he's still attracted to me. He can be vengeful though...he might date me just so he can break up with me. But he sure is lookin NICE.

I bought curtains for my room today and I'll be damed if the two panel aren't dyed a different shade of green in the same package. I think someone is telling me to 'fuck the curtains.' I've made 3 trips to Ikea to get this pair that evidently they don't ship to the stores anymore......and now I have one olive green and one olive brown curtain. It'll do tonight until I can return them tomorrow. This nice view of the hospital district is aweful bright at night for a country boy.

Damn Jose's Boyfriend

At this very moment I have no reason to feel so bleh. Nothing's going on besides me being broke as a joke. I learned a long time ago not to let money get me down. I literally have 7 dollars to make it until next Tuesday but I'm OK. My married man crush came and watched some Sex and the City with me.....work was good. I'm not sure why at 10PM on a wednesday night, when I don't ahve to work tomorrow...I feel so glum.

Today at work I was taught to be a Decontamination Team member for work. I learned how to put this big plastic suit on that is supposed to keep me safe in the event of some incident that requires our patients to be decontaminated prior to entering our hospital. It was kinda unnerving to put this suit on. I have a picture of me in the suit but I can't figure out how to email from my cell phone yet...jeez I sound like my mom.

Went out last night for a friends birthday party and about got into a fist fight with Jose's drunk, loser, ugly, redneck bastard, little dicked, piss me off, muther fucker of a boyfriend. I can't stand the fucker. He lays one more finger on me and his midget arm is gonna be up his ass..and NOT in the good way.

In my futile online search for a man on my bored nights at home..I'd appreciate a little honesty and some balls from the homo's in Dallas. No one can say "no thanks, i'm not interested." They lead u on forever then just becomes uncomfortable..and this is supposed to be easy because there is like no contact..just say 'no.'

Example 1

Beer and me es no bueno. As u can see I can barely keep my ojo's open!!!!! And my teeth look like witch teeth or something...gross!

Old Blog

I've desperately tried to figure out how to move my old blog to here too......grrrrrrr

any suggestions from smarter folks out there?

Sex and the Country is my old site.........how do I move it? Blogger people are u listening? hello?

Beer Starts with B like BAD

Friday night was my older brother and his boyfriend's like 7th year anniversary. Cheesey pool party at thier apartment complex became bathroom handjob for me.

I think that when someone shows interest in me it kills it for me. I guess I like the chase..and to be ignored. What a pussy I sound like....but it's true. There's this insanely hot lebanese guy that I went out with a few times after me. I chased him for months...now he's VERY into me and I'm not at all interested. I would rather sit at home on a saturday night and watch reruns of Will and Grace than invite him over.

I think my brother and his boyfriend are mad at me about the whole pool party handjob thing. Ever since they started playing with other guys we've had a rocky relationship. Even a snotty phone call from my older brother telling me to 'stay away' from a guy I had NO interest in....just so they could all play. I'm getting more and more disenchanted with him.....who knows..I may fly the coup after my contract is up and see what's out there.

Do I Bug Guys That Are Too Hot For Me?

All the time I get messaged online by like, um, guys older than me....considerably older than me..and jacked up lookin. Not the hot older guys....the one's that dress in hawaiian shirts and jean shorts. I message guys that I think are good looking....do you think they say the same about me?

The neighborhood I moved to is quite diverse. I call my apartment 'Fort Knox' because in order to get in the place I have to use my remote to get into 3 gates that lock behind me. One of my favorite places to go is across the street to the Mexican Market. When I walk in it's like a movie scene where the music over head stops and so does everyone else...they glance at me..then keep going. My roommate, who is hispanic, says they're just wondering who called the police. The entire back wall of this Market is MEAT. ALLlllll kinds of meat. Meat I've never even seen before....in fact I'm not sure it's a meat..it might be some kinda grinded together something that resembles meat when you put it in a meat case.

Today was my last class day in my residency. I'm excited and scared. Pretty soon I'll be let loose to try and not to kill all my patients.

My first patient to be in the news/paper was this week. This is the same patient that exposed me to nasty virus that could kill me if my patients secretions came into contact with my mucous membranes......exciting huh? I took a cipro today given to me by work to hopefully kill it if it' in me....weeee

Went to the gym tonight with my married boyfriend/crush. I 've got to stop lusting after him..he's never gonna leave his boyfriend. But DA UM he looks hot all sweaty on a treadmill with me at the gym......................tease tease..

Bleh

Just watching a episode of Sex and the City I think I came to the conclusion that dating is a sham. You're there....not being yourself because you're too worried thinking about what he thinks of you...it's not you. The person you're on the date with is in the same situation....when do you really get to know someone?

I've been going on dates with this guy pretty regularly for a few months. Regularly being about once a week when he's not acting strange. Well I found out why he was acting strange.....he just tested positive. So for about 5 more weeks no sex for me. The fact is that his attentiveness towards me has 180'y'd since this news and a few friends of mine have told me to back off...I'm not sure what to do with myself.

I'm now officially addicted to Yahoo! radio.

Today I put up curtains from Ikea in the living room. I love that place. They had these tiny little plants that I wanted but I figured I've already killed enough.

Late and Hard

Here it is 2 am home from being out and I'm hard..come do me.

I went out tonight with my older brother and his boyfriend where they continue to annoy me. If' it's not about THEM or getting it on with them they are of no interest in the conversation. I just started a new job....seeing tons of crazy shit..they basically stared through me to ignore me.

Today was Jeremey's birthday. Jeremey did not tell me it was his birthday......he's 34 but looks 12. I get along great with him here lately...but I don't know. His friends that he introduced me to tonight all seem to know who I was...and liked me. I'm gaurded at how I feel about him.

Who I really want is my damn married man.........how difficult can this be. I need them to break up...him to have rebound sex with a few guys then come jump into my bed. How long can all this take.....3? 4 days? Him and his current boyfriend are having 3ways now..maybe that sex can be his rebound sex and we can skip the rebound waiting period and jump into my bed.

This Place is CRAZY

Today I worked in the medicine 'booths.' I have never been so challeneged in nursing......I worked my ass off. I ran 5 cardiac arrests....it was amazing. Once you do one..they're all the same really. I had a blast.

Tonight the roomie is gone...I've gotta work at 7am again tomorrow and I'm bored. I would love to have someone to come over and cuddle while we watch a movie or something.

I Have a BIG Crush..

For the first time in years and years I have a huge crush on a guy........that has a boyfriend of 6 years.

I met him online when him and his boyfriend were looking for other guys to come over and play. Their pictures online were of these two buff boys. Both were muscular, small waists....nice looking guys. One a Top and one Vers/Bottom.....could be interesting I thought. For several months we exchanged emails. They weren't very interested and I never knew which of the pair I was talking to. I wrote them off a few times..and reinitiated contact a few times. Long story short...the top guy wasn't so much into the beefy boy that is me...the bottom guy was interested...but how interested? And how much trouble am I getting myself into..am I a home wrecker for even thinking about doing the nasty with this hot little fucker?

One day, at my new apartment, I was chatting with the bttm guy I shall call HCF, "Hot, Country Fucker." HCF and I chatted for like 10 minutes and the next thing I know he's headed over to my apartment to hang out. He was every bit as hot as his pictures....a little shy...and ass for days...and days..

For a while now we've been hanging out innocently. I've met his boyfriend....they even went to my dinner birthday party. I think he likes me a little and is just afraid. I know I like him...I have this gigantic crush on him.

He comes over...throws off his shoes and hops on my bed. We lay and watch Sex and the City together...or whatever...for hours. I always lay behind him..and he slowly edges his way back so some part of him is pressed against me momentarily. It's like a game we play....I love to play it.

Again I Start

This blog stuff is like therapy. But I have to have the correct name, correct motivation or it's a waste of my time and all the people I keet telling I changed my blog. So I'm going at this again. I'll start with and update of my life.

My job is great. It's alot of work while I'm there which makes eating properly and drinking enough water TOUGH. One more month and I'm off my residency and can be slightly more independent.

Love life......or absence of.

Yesterday was my 27th birthday. I have mixed feelings about the day. Alot of my new friends at work wished me happy birthday, one even made me brownies...another made a "happy bday Rusty" sign and hung it up over breakfast so everyone would have to walk by and see it. I'm such a ham. I didn't get any birthday cake for the first time ever. Was strange not to. I felt quite invisible even though I had alot of friends near me....something's wrong with me.

Maybe I'm not a catch like I think I am. Seriously I don't know if I can be single for another year and not move off to some other country. I've been the strong, single guy that doesn't care immensely that I've been single since like 2002 for a while now. Sure I've had my moments of 'why am I single?' but here, near my birthday, I wonder how, why and how much longer. As I type those words my stomach is aching. My mind has gotten smart on me.....I can no longer fool it into thinking that the pillow I've thrown my leg over in bed at night is a warm body that loves me and loves being next to me.

What a depressing first entry........